Blogging for a better life

While I know many of my readers have been wondering what has happened to me over the past few months, I simply want to say that I have been in a difficult place. Some days, I have felt like I am neither here nor there—caught in an awkward state of existence.

My exhaustion has not let up. No matter how many hours of sleep I get, I can brew my morning cup of coffee, sit down in my chair, and feel as though I have just finished running a marathon. After drinking my coffee, I’m often ready for a nap.

Many people say that healing is not linear, and they are right. These episodes can come and go without warning, lasting for an unknown amount of time. The chronic pain flares. The flood of overwhelming thoughts about what tomorrow may bring. The low moods. The pressure of trying to hold everything together. The overwhelming fear of what cannot be controlled.

The reality of how cancer has changed my life—my abilities and the person I once was—still fills my thoughts. I find myself constantly trying to redefine who I am in this next chapter of life. What does that even look like?

Sometimes, it physically looks like the clutter surrounding me. I have to constantly remind myself to listen to my body and tell myself that it is okay to leave things for tomorrow. That mindset is incredibly difficult to embrace because, throughout my working career, I was conditioned to accomplish as much as possible in the hours I was given.

Today, I am still learning how to simply sit still and find contentment with the life I have been given, regardless of what it looks like.

I continue to be challenged by chemo brain. Reading and writing seem to be the hardest areas for me now. I struggle to organize my thoughts into grammatically correct sentences, and sometimes I lose my train of thought altogether. Even so, I continue to push through, regardless of how imperfect my words may be. Yet doing so can leave me mentally and physically exhausted in a very short amount of time.

I apologize for taking so long to publish another post. This has been the longest gap since this website began. Please know that I have not abandoned you.

I remain committed to writing my way through this healing journey called life after cancer. My hope is that whether you are walking your own cancer journey or facing an entirely different battle, you can find peace, hope, encouragement, and the strength to endure through my words.

Thank you for staying with me.

And as always, if you have any questions or simply need someone who understands, please don’t hesitate to reach out.