(Click on the link above).
When reels like this one randomly pops up in my phone reminding me of what my life looked like at (ex: 3 years ago or such); it completely contradicts what my many therapists have me working on: “Acceptance.” My response is, “What does that even mean?”
What are you accepting? Are you accepting your current state of being as permanent? If that’s the case, what goal is one working towards? Why bother with all of the therapies if my current reality is permanent? Why work on accepting? I don’t have much to write on this topic right now. Physical therapy and speech therapy were real exhausting. My thoughts are fleeting, and my brain will shut down mid-sentence.
I share these raw thoughts of emotions for other survivors to not feel so alone. It’s like split thoughts or brain. One side of the brain keeps pushing. The other side of the brain just wants to box! We have so many thoughts, that our chemo brains have such a difficult time expressing or following through.
My speech therapist asked me, how do you feel about your progression? My response was completely transparent with zero sugar coating. I don’t know if other survivors would have or would respond in the same way or if they would try to hide their emotions. However; my response was, “I hate it.” With tears flooding my eyes, I further shared that it wasn’t them; but how I remember my capabilities before cancer, and how many struggles come with post-chemo!
With my split brain, one side says that it just has to get better and to keep pushing. The other side of the brain just wants to box, because there are no amount of words to convey for the reader outside of chemo to truly understand the internal and external pains of it all.
I promised my readers full transparency. I choose to write the happy days, as well as the angry and full of sorrow days.
P.S. I’m reminding myself to grab a slice of strawberry cake, as it really does make things a little bit brighter!🍓🍰😉
(C) 2025 AeKyung Yoo
Blogging for a better life 
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