Blogging for a better life

Lauren Daigle, “Salvation Mountain” has been my mantra! Dragonflies have been surrounding me a lot lately. Gentle hearts, an exuberant amount of kindness, a moment of time spent filled with sound words and provided with attentiveness which gives the human condition an unseen amount of faith & hope restoration.

Faith & hope prior to cancer, has always faired high with me. Those quizzes you find in the magazines or Google online get me every time. And I have always scored high when it came to faith & hope. During my cancer journey, I do not think I have ever lost my faith & hope; however, I do believe that the toll that cancer brings can spin you around like you are riding the silly silo for so long that you forget what or where you placed the two. I do not think that faith & hope disappears, I just think that “chemo brain” can sometimes (or a lot of the time make you forget about those two elements of oneself). You are too busy being tired all the time, loopy, trying to find your balance, coordination, words, and so many other things.

If my readers have missed some of my earlier posts, I have asked for forgiveness in my word placements or choice of words, and or sentence structuring. One of the therapies I attend, is helping me regain my cognitive skills. It is a process; and a quite frustrating one, being that I am an avid reader and writer at heart. However, I am absolutely elated that my therapists are all so chipper, fun, and patient with me!

While the human condition can prevent us from stepping outside of our own comfort zones due to our own challenges and disabilities, we were not designed to do things alone. If it is one out of several things that cancer continues to amplify in my life, is that I cannot be where I am today without my entire care team. It is not just the medical care team I am referring to either. It is the one that tends to my physical, spiritual, social, holistic well- being and more. It does not matter whether it is at home, the grocery store, or the gazillion and one appointments I have faithfully attended to the point that it is annoying. (Prior to cancer, I never really went to the doctor unless it was on my “death bed” figuratively speaking).

Well; I guess one of my life-long best friends since 2022, named Classical Hodgkin Lymphoma got the last laugh on me. Classical Hodgkin Lymphoma’s visit left me with daily reminders of so many things healthy people take for granted by no fault of their own. It is not until your slate is wiped clean (for lack of better words), and you are re-creating, re-defining, and re-structuring your entire being and your entire life!

When you Google dragonflies; the first thing that shows up, is that they represent “profound wisdom and guidance, inspiring those that connect with its energy to embrace transformation, adaptability, and spiritual growth.” Not only is this a perfect recipe to forge through the journey that cancer brings; but it is also a tasteful recipe for anyone in this world who wishes and chooses to live and thrive in life vs just surviving! And like all recipes; there’s special and secret ingredients involved, along with time & temperature, etc… for the result of something worth waiting for… …and so it is in this journey that all cancer warriors face together! Each cancer journey is different, they are mixed with each individual’s secret ingredient! It is my hope that my cancer warriors out in the world know; that life is worth looking forward to, no matter where you are in your journey and no matter how incredibly hopeless it may seem.

One of my more recent medical visits and meeting the doctor for the first time, our conversation was brief. I asked questions and (I think) I shared some frustrations and concerns. And what sparked my unseen faith & hope restoration; was when the doctor shared with me that he could tell that beyond all my confusion I was a highly functional individual. I went home that day feeling noticeably confident. The past few months, I had slowly been falling into an abyss of depression. I had been filled with so much frustration, self-doubt, and (I can’t think of the words I want to use right now…so in trying to do so, we’ll just say I hadn’t been feeling very smart and frustrated in how and if I will ever get to what I remembered what I used to be)! But that day; those simple words the doctor shared with me, gave me just the right dose of “confidence medicine” that I needed to re-align my mindset to pick myself up by my straps!

Sure, as cancer warriors we have been through and are going through a lot! I hear my entire medical team tell me that we have been through a lot. However, there is some area in my mind that says that we must find the right balance. Hearing & accepting those words; but, not allowing ourselves to be stifled by those words and give up. I guess that is just another life lesson; not just for the cancer warrior but is not life all about finding that balance! It does not matter what area of our lives we are talking about; but that life is about living and not just surviving; but thriving and experiencing.

What if we wake up tomorrow or do not wake up tomorrow? Did we experience life, or did we spend our entire time here just surviving?

Lauren Daigle, “Salvation Mountain” is truly my mantra! If you have not listened to her song, I encourage you to do so! To all my cancer warriors out there, amid the fight and amid our journey, there is life that can still be lived! It does not negate the range of emotions, because that is all a part of living and experiencing. But there is a surmountable amount of hope in the quiet times that can be found. Be encouraged! And for a little extra encouragement, don’t forget about the strawberry cake!

Heads up! September is Hodgkin Lymphoma Awareness Month! I will try and post again! A huge thank-you, to all my readers. If you were moved, please do not forget to subscribe!

(C) 2024 AeKyung Yoo